Season 1, Episode 1
Meet the Couple Behind Money Date Night
Meet hosts Colin Ryan and Lindsey Lathrop as they walk you through their vision of the Money Date Night podcast and what draws them to talk about money together. They’ll teach you how you can begin having finance conversations in your relationship and give you a few starter questions you can ask each other or make your own.
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Questions we asked each other:
What is the first word you think of when you hear “money?”
When you stress buy – what do you buy?
Why is it so hard to buy a gift for you?
What has been the most annoying money-related thing in our relationship?
What skill do you bring to OUR money date night?
EPISODE 1 TRANSCRIPT
Colin: How are you?
Lindsey: Ya know it’s been a day.
Colin: It’s been a day. We are sliding into the studio last thing on a Friday. And I…how are you? I’m feeling actually really good.
Lindsey: Me too. If I’m going to end a work week hanging out with you…talking money.
Colin: I feel the same way. Just hanging out with you and knowing that ahead of us is the weekend. What a treat. What a.. I almost swore. That’s how excited I am.
Lindsey: That’s funny. We’re totally not weekend warriors though. You know, people who live for the weekend. We kinda have a pretty great week.
Colin: I don’t know if you’ve met me, but uh…I live for the weekend. The difference between the work week and the weekend is that on the weekend I can watch YouTube without waves of guilt. And that is nice. It adds to it. Because during the week, you’re like… “I should be working.” But when you’re your own boss, you’re like “go head and take 5 minutes and watch something pointless.” During the weekend, you’re like “ahhhhhhh….”
Lindsey: I know. What I love about YouTube on the weekend is I just watch like professional development videos and I feel soooo guilty.
Colin: I know. It’s not a relatable quality of yours, Lindsey. And you’re like rolling eyes hard, but I know you too well and know there’s truth in that. You know, we’re not the same and we both have strengths and weaknesses. You know this, right?
Lindsey: Yeah. I know your weaknesses.
Colin: And you can list them and if you do, I’m going to have to throw this microphone out the window…accidentally. We have strengths, weaknesses, we balance each other out, we challenge each other. We are a couple. We’re a team.
Lindsey: We’re married.
Colin: We are married. And I think that kinda raises the question… what is Money Date Night to you? It’s a podcast for couples to talk about money, talk about being happy, being on each other’s team. But it can be something different for everybody. What does Money Date Night mean to you?
Lindsey: So, to me, I think MDN, even though ya know, of course, we’re a couple and we’re talking to other couples, you can have a MDN with yourself and money management, to me, is just a form of self-care. So, in a sense, this podcast is actually about self-care in a sneaky way.
Colin: You got deep with it.
Lindsey: Yeah, I got deep with it.
Colin: I like that so much! You’re making choices now, some of them are difficult, because there’s a pay off later on that is worth the sacrifice, right? And that’s self-care. That’s super cool.
Lindsey: So, what about for you? What does Money Date Night mean?
Colin: Like I said, it can be something different for everybody and I know you and I are both interested in managing money. We talk about it, and because we manage it, we’ve been able to do things that we wouldn’t been able to get to without having that team goal. But I also think of money as kind of like a division point. It creates tension in relationships. Statistically, that’s very obvious and we all know people who fight about money and we’ve experienced it. But I’m also intrigued by this idea that what is the source of tension in your relationship? Is it money? Or is it .. whatever it is, are you intentionally making time to dig in with each other and just work through it? Just talk about it. And get to know each other and what you’re sort of your triggers and frustrations and what’s exciting about it. And what’s confusing about it. And just have that tougher conversation. And that’s what I think our relationship is, really, just being committed to dig in and have those tricky conversations and get to know each other in the process.
Lindsey: Yeah. For sure. And money is just a gateway to have those conversations. Right?
Colin: Totally. We all have a relationship to money. There’s sort of an immediate association that you have. Or an experience that stands out from, maybe, your childhood. Without trying to lead you, because I feel like you have such interesting perspective on this, what do you associate, what comes up, when you hear the word “money”? Is there something that pops to mind that you could share with us?
Lindsey: Yeah, so, wow, my immediate reaction is freedom. And that is probably no surprise to you or other people who know me that are listening. But what’s fun is that that’s changed a lot. Even, ya know, when I first started my business. I think if you had asked me that question, I would have said “not enough.” It’s interesting because I just think growing my business over the last few years, has really shown me, and even what we’ve been able to do with our money because we’ve talked about it, yeah… it means freedom to me now.
Colin: Wow. What a transition.
Colin: That’s super cool.
Lindsey: What about you, Col?
Colin: The thing that pops to my mind is the opposite. I feel like your answer is really inspiring. The first answer that pops to mind when you say “Money” is “stress.” The reason I say that is because the first time I can recall thinking about money in any meaningful way is like 6th grade and I wanted to buy some article of clothing that my other peers were wearing and I wanted to fit in. But it was kind of a luxury item. I think it might have been a particular kind of glasses that felt kind of cooler. Instead of, this is so specific, but there was like a back rack in the eyeglass store that was the stuff our insurance would cover. And they were all atrocious and I was like, I can’t be seen in any of these.
Lindsey: Although, those are cool now.
Colin: Yeah, now they’re cool. But I wasn’t riding the correct wave of coolness. I remember having this conversation with my parents and being like “I just want this.” And they said “you need to understand. You don’t need this. You just want this. And because of uncertainty right now.We don’t get to do extras. Or luxuries.” And I was just a kid so I didn’t have context, so I didn’t understand “what’s the mortgage payment?” I was just like “If we buy things we don’t need, it could cause us to lose something much bigger.” So I was very scared. And I think also when you’re a kid, you just internalize those little moments and then you grow up in this culture where we never talk about money so you never share them. And I think it wasn’t until I was an adult that I told somebody and they said “oh my gosh, that’s so painful and scary and not the complete picture at all of you wanting to have one thing versus a different.” Ya know? So I think my word has definitely changed. I’ve healed and I think its much more like “freedom” now, but as a kid, but it was “don’t’spend any money because it will ruin your life.”
Lindsey: Well also as an adult, starting businesses, too…
Colin: Being bootstrappers has served us really well, but we both know the downsides.
Colin: You take on a lot of stress.
Lindsey: And a lot of time.
Colin: It’s not to say when you’re only stressed, you’re frugal. Other people stress buy. And stress shop. And I don’t mean to call you out, because I know I do. Do you have something when you’re stressed, is your go to, or recurring purchase, or coping maneuver?
Colin: You’ve thought of several things and then you’re like…I don’t even know what you mean.
Lindsey: It’s funny because as you just asked me that, I’m like, I’m actually thinking of all the places I don’t drive by because I know I will want to buy something. Um, well, actually let me warm up by saying what I used to buy. So when I was in my early, well, when I was teenager and probably in my early twenties, I counted how many pairs of jeans I had – I had like 83 or something. It was bonkers. So, I used to stress buy denim.
Colin: What a beautiful sentence. I was picturing like really anything but the word “denim.” I stress buy denim.
Lindsey: I like to surprise you. I know, it’s funny.
Colin: Is it still that at all? Is it clothes?
Lindsey: No. I wear the same two pairs of jeans… No, I got rid of all of those. You’re welcome American Eagle. I would say probably like coffee or I treat myself to a 6 pack of craft IPA.
Colin: Or like a good coffee or beer. For sure.
Lindsey: Hey, at least I’m not buying Ferraris here.
Lindsey: I have a question for you since we’re asking questions here. If you haven’t caught on, that’s what we’re doing. Why is it so hard to buy a gift for you?
Colin: Wow… this is like Nightline. We’ve taken a shift into “explain yourself.”
Lindsey: I did just shine a light on your face.
Colin:I don’t have a good explanation. I don’t know why it’s so hard to buy a gift for me. That’s something they don’t tell you about being in a relationship, your partner is going to want to know what to buy you at holidays. And for some reason, for me, that’s a blank. I don’t know. If I want something, I’ll just buy it. I don’t want to sound sappy but I really don’t care if you don’t buy me anything. I really like that we show up for each other all the time. I’ve never really felt like “she better buy me something good to make up for her behavior.” I’ve never felt that. Or done that math. I will say to your credit, even though I’m difficult to buy a gift for, you bought me one of the best gifts I’ve ever gotten, which is you paid for my scuba dive in Bali two years ago and that was not only really fun at the time, but that’s an experience that I continue to look back on and am really proud and satisfied by. That was a brilliant gift.
Lindsey: Yeah…it was the best $12 I’ve ever spent.
Colin:Yeah, right… you took everything cool and ruined it. I will say I am sorry I was born on Jan. 6th. That is an awkward time to have to find another present when all you want to do is not buy presents ever again.
Lindsey: You’re very expensive in December and January. It’s okay.
Colin: I’m sorry about that.
Lindsey: But you just let me off the gift-buying hook.
Colin:What would you like for your next birthday or holiday? Is there something you got your eye on?
Lindsey: Yeah, it’s funny, I think what automatically comes up for me is that book – how many love languages are there? 5? 7? 6?
Colin:I think there’s a book called the 5 Love Languages.
Lindsey: I can’t remember, but what I do know, is that my love language is not gift receiving. I’m way more excited about you showing up on the every day versus this like grand gesture of a gift.
Colin: And we kind of give each other a gift every year which is that we each pay half of our one month trip overseas.
Lindsey: That’s true. And we gave an even better gift because we extended it by 2 weeks this years.
Colin:Yeah, I know. 6 weeks. That is like …
Lindsey: Yeah…that’s a great gift. Alright, so here’s a good question for you, Col.
Lindsey: What has been the most annoying money related thing in our relationship?
Colin: Wow, we’re really… these questions really set us up to look super cool. No, this is a great question. What is the most annoying money related thing in our relationship? I don’t know… I don’t want to put “the most” – that seems like a big emphasis. But something that jumps out to me as, I don’t know, annoying.. or a problem that we have to work on is.. we have very similar money values when it comes to spending in the moment. Neither of us are really impulse spenders. We were. But we’ve worked our way to a more thoughtful level headed place and that’s cool, but what that sometimes shows up as when we’re on a trip, or when we’re traveling, and we’re looking for a place to eat, sometimes we will like “out frugal” each other and neither of us can really make a decision. And granted, ya know, you’re kind of wandering and you wakl into a restaurant and you’re ilke “well, this isn’t quite right” and you’re both holding out for the best case scenario and both silently agreeing well, we’ll just hungrier and hungrier. And neither of us will really pull the trigger. So I would say at times, I have thought it would be actually better if one of us was “alright, enough, we’re doing this” because sometimes we’ll walk quite an extra distance. Or look at too many options to maybe save a couple of bucks. And that, I think, is a funny thing is when you have the same habit and you play it out and double it.
Lindsey: Yeah, you double down.
Colin:It’s kinda funny when one of us needs to be more impulsive.
Lindsey: Yeah, I know. I would say the same thing.
Lindsey: Yeah, for sure. Totally. We joke, we call it LBSing – low blood sugar. You can’t even think. And we’re still trying to figure out the best deal on a taco.
Colin:Yeah… someone needs to zoom out and slap both of us. Just buy the taco.
Lindsey: Get two. Treat yourself.
Colin:That’s really funny.
Lindsey: To wrap this up, what skill do you think you bring to our money date night?
Colin: Now that I’ve talked about frustrating quirks that I bring, I get to try to redeem myself. I appreciate the way you framed that.
Lindsey: I try.
Colin: I do really value the conversations we have that are tricky. I don’t value them in the moment. I don’t think anybody does. Nobody wants to fight. You just want to hang out. Can we just watch a movie? This is so intense.
Lindsey: Some people like to fight.
Colin: Some people do.
Colin: I think for me, what I try to do, is I try to really be present. And so if we’re having a conversation where there’s some tension, one of us is upset, or defensive, or this has brought something to mind that is messy, I think just like a commitment to “lets just talk through it.” This feels like a fight, but rather than shutting it down, going to different rooms, escalating it, let’s acknowledge there is something there that we can’t see. Lets just trust each other to hang in a little bit and see if we can figure it out. Now that’s a very nice way of describing fighting. It’s a tense moment. But I like this idea that underneath that is something you want to learn about your partner and that they are trying to learn about themselves. You’re trying to communicate. So that is something that I am very proud of when I think about our relationship. We talk through very tough things until we figure it out. Until we arrive at a better place than where we started.
Lindsey: Yeah, I will absolutely give you credit there. Because I did not bring that skill to our relationship. And you were very helpful with helping me stay in the conversation when I would get uncomfortable or when we were having a fight because all I wanted to do was leave.
Colin: Yeah, and to your credit, I could have never have made you stay in the conversation. It was really cool, this was very early in our relationship where there was a moment there, probably our first fight or first tension, and you just kind of spun on your heels “that’s it. I’m out. I’m leaving” and I think I said “hey, look, if you go, nothing changes. We’re just stuck int his fight until I talk to you again and I don’t really want to spend…that’s going to feel terrible. I don’t want to spend that time wondering what we should have said and what we’re going to say next. Let’s just see if we can get rhgouh it. And you just turned around.
Lindsey: I did. Because I love efficiency.
Colin: That’s a moment I really admired and I could have never made you do that. That was you showing up and saying “alright, let’s see if we can work through this.” So yeah, money is just any of the other things that cause tension, right? You just have to be able to trust each other. Your intentions are good. And you just work your way through it together. What about you? What is a skill you bring? I can think of about 10. But what is something you say you bring to our money date nights?
Lindsey: I think I help us think really big. And I’m a future thinker. And what’s really fun is that you’re very present. Everything you just shared is very present focused. You’re very like “Let’s make sure we’re focusing on this moment we’re in.” And to me, to think about even 2 years – 5 years – 10 years – whatever – that is so exciting to me. And I remember for my birthday last year…
Colin: Yeah, we did a staycation. We were like 20 minutes down the road but we were living this vacation weekend.
Lindsey: Yeah, it was great. And I asked you if you would do a bucket list with me. We could write…
Colin: 100 things.
Lindsey: Yeah, 100 things we would want to do in our lives. Knowing that it would be so interesting if we could get to 100. I don’t think either of us did. But it’s going to take money to do those things. And in the moment, I wasn’t really thinking about the money, but, what’s our plan? Ya know? What do we want to do with this life? So anyway… I think that I bring that. And I think that I’ve always kind of made sure to move that agenda along. It’s one thing to put it on a list, but you know me, I’m like alright…
Colin: Let’s put it in the calendar.
Lindsey: Yeah, let’s put it in the calendar!
Colin: That’s so helpful. You’re doing it right now. You’re just a very curious person. And you bring a lot of questions to our life together. And it’s super cool. I just want to reflect. This was a lot of fun. To interview each other. I can imagine for any couple it’d be nice to sit down… you joked at the beginning “let me get to know you.” And I appreciate the fact that we did kind of get to know each other in a slightly new way and that’s always nice to paid attention to and have someone be curious about you. And I think yeah ,you always learn something new. Right?
Lindsey: Yeah. For sure.
Colin: So thank you.
Lindsey: Thank you!
Colin: Yeah! This was cool. This was our first money date night chat and we encourage you to do the same. Turn to each other and ask some questions and we’ll make some questions available. But, the goal is to open that channel of communication and let that person surprise you.
Kick Start Your Money Date Night is a 6 week course to help couples create (and stick to) a system for managing their money together.
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